By: Jackson R. Dakota
LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU – You’re at an exquisite wedding reception seated with a group of your contemporaries – all collectively engaging in mundane small talk about their active lives. Out of the blue, your slightly intoxicated friend lets it slip that you have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Although hesitant to speak about it at first, the intrigued patrons’ faces slowly end up changing your mind. You decide to elaborate, spitting out detail after detail.
The group collectively conveys sympathy in your direction; it feels good to know that there are decent, understanding people out there. Your faith in humanity has been restored.
Of course, there’s always that one jerk; the one who thinks they’re god’s gift to the universe – ya’ know… The one who can’t tell the difference between their left hand and their right shoe...
STEP 1 - FIRST, LET THEM DIG THEIR OWN GRAVE (Most Important!)
“You look fine to me. I think you just need to smile and get out there a little more,” he says. You’re here right now. My brother once said he had the same thing. He was lying too. Once he got out into the world, he was fine. Your so-called illness is something made up by mothers who need an excuse for why their stupid lazy children do nothing with their life.
What did you do with your life before you got “sick?” Were you a rocket scientist? I’ve seen these news segments on this before and it’s about as real as the moon landing! My life is like, “The Greatest Show on Earth,” because I worked hard to get to where I am, and that’s your problem -- no ambition.. This is your excuse for making nothing of your life.”
There it is...
STEP 2 - PRESENT THE FACTS (Staying calm is the key)
You know what, maybe in some twisted reverse parallel universe (where 2+2=11) you might actually be right - but back here in reality, I have to respectfully disagree. However, I should say that I truly respect your passion towards an issue you obviously know so much about. Now, tell me, do you feel this way because of the name? I ask because the name is quite deceiving. Do you think the Earth is bigger than the Sun? Do you think that ignorance is bliss or is it just a poorly thought out web of absolute garbage made up by 14th century tyrants living in monasteries above the forests of the Sahara?
STEP 3 - PEACEFULLY TAKE THE UPPER-HAND (personal conveyance)
You: Say, that’s a lovely ring on your finger, have you been married long?
Jerk: 4 years.
You: Wow! That’s great... I can only hope to be as lucky as you one day. PERSONAL QUESTION, do you love your wife?
Jerk: Yes – but how is this relevant?
You: Have you two ever gotten into an argument, big or small?
Jerk: Uh, yes…
You: Okay. Now, I want you to think of the WORST fight you ever had. Were you a wreck the next morning?
Jerk: Yes.
You: Did your co-workers have any suspicion that you had a fight with your loving wife the night before?
Jerk: No.
You: Why not?
Jerk: Because I didn’t say anything.
You: You didn’t? You should have said something. Why didn’t you?
Jerk: Why would I?
You: Exactly! But they still couldn’t tell by your mannerisms?
Jerk: No, I didn’t show it.
You: You mean you hid it – but you still felt it, right?
Jerk: Yes.
You: Tell me again that I look fine…
THE END
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